Human mind is a very funny thing. So believe people when they say – “It’s all in your mind!”Music is my passion and I will be honest when I say that I am a total Walter Mitty here. I would think myself on a stage, with a vivacious crowd shouting and hooting and clapping, shouting my name out loud. Crowded bus, over-crowded trains, cabs – everywhere. Even toilets to be honest. But there was a little problem. I had issues with my pitching. Pretty serious ones.
I started training as a singer since I was 6 years old. With over 9 years of training, one can safely assume that I am a big deal. But in reality, I was pretty ordinary, even at 23! I do blame myself for not finding interest in classical music in my early years, but I am extremely impatient, which is one of the many human shortcomings I have. My teacher would be confused. He blamed my perception. My ears couldn’t tell the right pitch from the wrong when I am singing. And this was a thing that I kept in my mind for a very long time.
He had advised me to take up an alternative, like playing some instrument or be a composer. Keeping his word in my mind, I took up Guitar. Now my guitar story is a long story in itself, but then it doesn’t have to do anything within something in my mind. Hence I choose to skip elucidation. Piano joined guitar three years after. The only problem here was that I never got any grammatical training in piano and guitar, and I always treated the two of them to be supplementary to my singing. Yes, deep down inside, my heart always wanted me to sing. But my mind would somehow beg to differ every time.
School was easy. College was easier. Barely people could tell the right pitch from the wrong. Plus, there was a dire need of close-to-cacophonic grunges and crazily loud beats to keep the crowd moving. These would override my voice. In the process, I could be wrongly pitched and also sing without people being judgmental. But people with proper ears always caught me. Still, I never gave up. By this time, I was also frustrated that I cannot hit the right notes and I knew I was embarrassing music in general.
This past one year, from being 23 to 24, was a very crucial year. Frustration comes as perks of being jobless when almost your whole peer group is working, even some of your juniors. So I used music to calm myself down. I needed to get back to training. I realized my mistake all the time – my mind was on result and not the process. So I wouldn’t leave any stone unturned this time.
I was somehow afraid that teachers would reject me after hearing my notes after being trained for over 9 years. But in came a person in my life, who never failed to point out that I was singing something wrong, but also made sure to point out that the problem was in my mind. One day, I quietly sat down by the Ganges in contemplation. What is the thing that is in my mind?
Got it!
My earlier teacher had said that I have a problem in perception. But somehow, I doubt that. I can immediately say when a note is even the slightest off-pitch. I can to easily do that for everybody. Then is it just that I can’t perceive myself?
No! It can’t be. I can do that. My ear cannot be selective. So I got down to the basics. I hit the seven notes and I was hitting them rightly. Almost rightly. The problem was actually that my voice had gotten all rusty over the years of malpractice and literally no practice at all. It took just a month to hit the notes right. I was ecstatic!
I started auditioning for many things and also venturing into making my own music. But I low on hopes for I knew I wouldn’t do well.
“Can’t you just sing?”
“Well I will try to.”
“No you will not try! You will sing. What’s there to try in it?”
This was a little conversation before my first audition. One week later, I was selected. Even when I hit the studios for the first time and I got another person to sing, people kept telling me that I should be the one singing. So a little more than a week ago, I mustered up all my courage, calmed down myself, and recorded the first sing in my voice. The experience has now turned into an addiction. I don’t think I can wait for my next song, and this wait is driving me crazy!
By the way, I auditioned to be coached by an eminent singer who is reputed for being a scientific trainer. He is slowly working on my voice and if anything, it’s getting better every day!
Now I am ready to go through the process. I am neither afraid to train hard nor to sing. In fact, I am now a firm believer that confidence is just similar to jumping a couple of mental hurdles. For the first time in life, I feel my mind and heart are having a beer together. Yes, I am happy.
