Life is a panorama of small shots as well long shots.

Panorama of Life

Panorama of Life

Life is a panorama of small shots as well long shots. At times it zooms in and at times out of focus. In an age where I am neither the young woman who loves jumping or an old lady who is wrapped in warm woollies in winter it’s tough as well as enjoyable.

Death has come to me in different times and etched a deep mark on me. Let me talk about different shades of the life changing with the onslaught of death. At the age of 5 I had encountered it in close quarters. I still remember our landlord whom i used to call dadu suffering a cerebral attack. I came back from school and saw him lying in the bed. He was my playing partner. Quiet upset to see him lying i asked him to get up. I still remember those words, ”pray to god “. He went away in the yellow black taxi never to return. I saw him decked in flowers and chandan the next day and asked my father what happened. He replied that dadu is no more and has become a star. I realized death means never to return.

I grew up in the closed realm of my locality and being a tomboy I was scolded as well as loved by the seniors of the locality. One of them was ‘Mana’ a fond name I used to call this lady who was like my granny. In the meanwhile I had lost my paternal grandparent and my two elder paternal uncles, i,e, my dadu, thakuma, jethu and mejojethu. The love that I used to get from my paternal grandma who used to stay in Gaya was given by Mana and I loved her a lot. She was typical Bengali woman from Dhaka, with lots of love for me and my tomboyish behaviour. I used climb their guava tree and literally like a monkey used to feed on it. She was very angry at times and used to scold me in her typical way as I was a girl and if I fell down i would not get married. I loved the way she used to make food and my taste buds for spicy food developed. The pooja room she had had lots of idols and I loved the Kanhaiya that she had. When she feels sick she gave the idol to ma as I loved it. She had even given us gold ornaments. She fell sick, her daughter was standing in the room, I barged in after my college to see how she was. I asked her what will you have, she told me water and I gave her. In front of my eyes I saw her breathe in and not breathe out. Here I learnt unconditional love; the love that is not limited by blood relations is something I learned from her.

Life went on intertwined with death. Saw some in front of my eyes some at distance. Life is full of expectation and energy at one stage and all deaths do not leave a mark. I grew up with him, I have climbed on his shoulder, I loved the way he used recite, the paintings, the sketches, my first love, my idol my baba. Being a tom boy always at problem with ma, my solution was my baba. Any mistake or any infatuation, the first person to know was him. To get up early in the morning, to go for a movie or as a matter of fact review of any sport or movie or asking him to write my honours notes, all was he. The day I was being married I remember he did not have food since the morning ritual and I did not because he did not have. I was expecting my daughter when he fell sick. We had guests in our house. He went to the bedroom, smiled at the idols which he used to worship and laid down and he was no more.  Here I realized that death means to part with the most valuable thing in your life. I learnt how to brave a strong wind without a windshield.

Life moved on dotted with the beauty and enjoyment of life and death. I have lost four very important persons in my life till 2014. The most sensible person after my father was my maternal grandma, Mamoni, to us. Death stole life from her and she stole herself from life. The inter twinning of life and death. The final death transformed me as a human being. It was my ma’s goodbye to us. The tomboy has matured into a well breed woman. The struggle to keep a person alive against one’s will and winning at times till the game was finally lost has greyed my hairs but not my spirits. The fighter in me fought odds, the woman in me cared and nurtured her and the boy in me did rounds in the different hospitals and nursing homes that she was admitted. Every woman has a part of man and vice versa. This is something that I realized with her. A fighter that she was had passed some amount of her indomitable spirit to me. Her goodbye has taught me to be patient, to take care and have that spirit that surpasses everything in the universe.

Life is a panorama

Life finally is a checker board of happiness and sadness. The more the whites of happiness the more comfortable one can lead one’s life. Death also could be a happy ending for someone. When I look back i just find i had enjoyed living life. Though was torn apart by deaths, I have invaluable lessons that was learned. Love your life and salute the finality of death.

 

Suranjana Ray

Suranjana Ray

Suranjana Ray, a media marketing professional. Has a passion for travel and lives life to the fullest.

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