Anger & Anger Management

What is Anger  ??

Every human being seem to show his Anger in various situations and phases of his life. When this word Anger comes in Mind , we generally think it as negative aspect. Anger can be utilised in a positive form also.

Anger is the Intense Emotional Response.  It is not inherently bad.   It is human’s emotion which involves a strong uncomfortable and hostile response to a perceived provocation, hurt or threat.

Men, women and children experience anger differently. Whereas children most often feel anger from the perspective of frustration–they can’t have what they want when they want it–adults get angry when they feel out of control.

Modern psychologists view anger as a primary, natural, and mature emotion experienced by virtually all humans at times, and as something that has functional value for survival. Anger is seen as a supportive mechanism to show a person that something is wrong and requires changing.

Anger not just has its impact psychologically on us. It does have physical impact also on us.

Experiencing strong anger regularly or for prolonged periods can also affect your physical health, contributing to illnesses such as:

  • colds and flu
  • gastro-intestinal (digestive) problems
  • high blood pressure

When Anger gets Negative or is a Problem??

Anger only becomes a problem when it harms you or people around you. This can happen when:

  • you regularly express your anger through unhelpful or destructive behavior.
  • your anger is having a negative impact on your overall mental and physical health

If the Anger is interfering in your daily lifestyle where it is spoiling your personal relationships, bothering you at your work or people around you . Then its high time that you need to control and learn to manage your Anger .

Expressing Anger varies from people to people as every human is different in his own way.  So, how you behave in anger is subjective which varies ..

Feeling angry is okay, however, the behaviors people exhibit when they feel angry make a difference in whether or not they become aggressive. Aggression is a choice. Just because you feel angry doesn’t give you permission to treat others poorly.

When to express your anger, how to express anger is also something which one need to understand

There are Types of Anger Expression:

Aggressive: It can be in Verbal or Nonvebal form . Aggressive People are aware of their emotions, at times such people  don’t always understand  the true reasons of their such aggression.

This form of anger is directed to other person to hurt him/her emotionally,physically or psychologically. Here the Aggressive person can yell,shout, physical damage or can hit violently to other person or aggressive person  himself can get injured due to his violent anger..

Aggressive people blame others for their anger. “It’s your fault for making me mad,” is the common theme. They don’t take responsibility for their feelings or their behaviors.

Aggressive behaviours try to bully the other person into doing something whether they want to or not.  When people behave aggressively, they don’t acknowledge the other person’s feelings or needs. Instead, they want the other person to give in.

Passive : A passive might not always show that they are angry or resentful. They might appear in agreement, polite, friendly, down-to-earth, kind and well-meaning. However, such kind of people can be manipulative, secretive by nature .It is often associated with “hidden” anger.

Passive is a destructive pattern of behaviour that can be seen as a form of emotional abuse in relationships that bites away at trust between people. It is a creation of negative energy in the ether which is clear to those involved and can create immense hurt and pain to all parties.

It happens when negative emotions and feelings build up and are then held in on a self-imposed need for either acceptance by another, dependence on others or to avoid even further arguments or conflict.

Assertive :  It is the healthy  way to express anger because anger here is expressed directly and is non-threatening, non-violent  way to express anger to others.

Here the anger is by being controlled and confident, talking and listening, and open to help in dealing with the situation. This Assertive anger can help relationships to grow. It means thinking before you speak, being confident in how you say it, yet open and flexible to the ‘other side’. It means being patient; not raising your voice; communicating how you are feeling emotionally, and really trying to understand what others are feeling. When you deal with anger assertively, you demonstrate that you are mature and care about your relationships and yourself.

Anger can be a good thing. It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems.

How to Manage Your Anger? It is an Art

Many people think that anger management is about learning to suppress your anger. But never getting angry is not a good goal. Anger is normal, and it will come out regardless of how hard you try to tamp it down. The true goal of anger management isn’t to suppress feelings of anger but rather to understand the message behind the emotion and express it in a healthy way without losing control. When you do, you’ll not only feel better, you’ll also be more likely to get your needs met, be better able to manage conflict in your life, and strengthen your relationships.

Mastering the art of anger management takes work, but the more you practice, the easier it will get. And the payoff is huge. Learning to control your anger and express it appropriately will help you build better relationships, achieve your goals, and lead a healthier, more satisfying life.

Anger Management does not mean internalising or suppressing anger .


Few Tips to Manage Your Anger in Daily Life :

  •      Try to explore what’s the Real Reason Behind Your Anger – As Anger is often a cover up for other feelings.  In order to express your anger in appropriate ways, you need to be in touch with what you are really feeling. Is your anger masking other feelings such as embarrassment, insecurity, hurt, shame, or vulnerability?
  • Be Aware of your Anger Warning Signs & Triggers– Avoid people, places and situations which triggers your anger .Try to focus on how your Body reacts to your Anger
  •      Try to Use Your Anger in Form of  Motivation
  • Identify possible solutions-Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Remind yourself that anger won’t fix anything and might only make it worse.Make a plan, and check your progress along the way. Resolve to give it your best, but also not to punish yourself if an answer doesn’t come right away. If you can approach it with your best intentions and efforts and make a serious attempt to face it head-on, you will be less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking, even if the problem does not get solved right away. Solving the underlying problem in this situation means planning and being more organized.
  • Try to Change the Way You Think-Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colourful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. When you’re angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones. For instance, instead of telling yourself, “oh, it’s awful, it’s terrible, everything’s ruined,” tell yourself, “it’s frustrating, and it’s understandable that I’m upset about it, but it’s not the end of the world and getting angry is not going to fix it anyhow.”
  • Try to Listen More & Think Before You Speak-Angry people tend to jump to—and act on—conclusions and some of those conclusions can be very inaccurate. The first thing to do if you’re in a heated discussion is slow down and think through your responses. Don’t say the first thing that comes into your head, but slow down and think carefully about what you want to say. At the same time, listen carefully to what the other person is saying and take your time before answering.
  • Once you’re calm, express your anger-As soon as you’re thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.
  • Use humour to release tension-Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what’s making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.
  • Don’t hold a grudge-Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.
  • Try to Take a Break from your routine work/Go Out On Vacations-. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet time might help you feel better prepared to handle what’s ahead without getting irritated or angry.
  • Stick with ‘I’ statements-To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use “I” statements to describe the problem. Be respectful and specific. For example, say, “I’m upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes” instead of “You never do any housework.”
  • Practice Relaxation Skills/Indulge in Physical Exercises-When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat a calming word or phrase, such as “Take it easy.” You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses — whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.
  • Consult or Seek Psychologist/ Seek Counselling  if you are not able to manage or control your anger or your anger is disturbing your life,relationships and others.



References-Photos taken from Internet


Sanchita Chakraborty

Sanchita Chakraborty

I have born and brought-up at New Delhi, Graduated from Delhi University with Psychology Hons. I am a regular writer of English, Hindi and Bengali Poems in various magazines.

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